I've been wondering what to do about the post that has been circulating warning about women being raped on 28th and E. Burnside. Obviously, I know not all sexual assults get reported so when I did a search through local news websites and portland indymedia, I wasn't too surprised that I didn't find anything. I think its important to help keep each other safe and warn when there are perpertrators about but at the same time, my only hesitation about reposting this is I am confused about where to draw the line between living in fear and maintaining safety. I don't really have an answer to this, but I do know that I don't want us to live in constant fear. Our culture is built on fear, which is a product of domination and separating communities. At the same time, there is the reality that its not always safe for people to walk outside, alone, at night, and this is especially true for female-presenting folks. Since talking about this bulletin that's being reposted, I've heard from several people that they got this same exact bulletin, verbatim, posted on their myspace pages a couple of years ago. So, I don't know what to think. Is this bulletin a hoax or did these incidents really happen? I don't know. My other hesitation about it is that I feel like, in a way, this contributes to the idea that stranger-rape is the only sexual assualt that happens and while, yes, its obviously a crime that takes place, its not as prevalent as sexual assult between known persons (friends, partners, relatives, etc.). I feel like this is something that isn't really talked about enough, especially in the context of queer community. Still, I don't know what to do with this bulletin.
The issue of personal safety is something I've been thinking about lately, especially since a friend was mugged a couple of weeks ago while waiting for the bus on MLK to go to gaycation. Again, I'm left with how do we stay safe, yet not live in constant fear? Living in constant fear is so wearing on the soul and keeps us skeptical of our neighbors. For me, it seems impossible to unify across communities with this skepticism.
I guess one active thing I want to do is make sure my friends and I do what we can to get places safely, so let's start walking each other to the bus stop and waiting together when we can. Let's check in after we leave the bar and make sure everyone got home ok. Let's organize carpools to get our fabulous friends who live in SE to and from our amazing parties in North and NE, and vice versa. I also want to put it out there, that if any of my friends is somewhere (at a bar, party, on the way home from work or school) and feeling unsafe, please call me, regardless of the time of day and I will do what I can to help you get home or even if you just need someone to be on the phone with as you maneuver through the city, call me. For serious. Your safety is more important to me than you worrying about waking me up. Really.
So, if you are reading this before you go out for Halloween tonight, keep it in mind. I'm staying home and will gladly come pick up your drunk ass if you need me to. I might even be willing to drive you through the Taco Bell drive thru.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
on masculinity
So, in my bell hooks class we're starting "The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" which I am really excited about because I haven't read it yet. At the end of class last night, my instructor informed the class that next week, we're going to start the class with the men in the room sitting on a "fishbowl style" panel and talking with each other about the book. This should be interesting......
t was funny during the class yesterday. Early in yesterday's session, I noticed that the men in the class tended to just speak up when they had something to say, while the women patiently held their hands up for a chance to talk. This was somewhat pervasive during the class and it seemed that most of the men (and some of the women) in the class were defensive about bell hooks' analysis of our pervasive patriarchial society, attributing her assessment and their disagreement with it to generational differences. It was irritating. Its like when white people say "I just don't think our society is that racist anymore, not like in the 50's. I mean, me and my friends aren't racist." ok, fair enough. yes, i choose to surround myself with people that either aren't going to say fucked up things or will be willing to talk about them if they do happen. but my chosen social scene is not very indicative of general society nor are my friends and I represented in the institutionalized governing bodies that perpetuate injustices. to deny that they are still prevalent in our society is to shrug off any responsibility and therefore, not have to think about 1. how we all contribute to existing systems and 2. not have to consider what to do about it. However, this choice to be ignorant is quite a privilege in and of itself.
also thought it was interesting when one male in the class insisted that he wasn't sexist and therefore bell hooks' examples of how men (and women) participate in perpetuating patriarchial structures in relationships, didn't apply to him. I can't remember exactly what the context of his argument was when he said this, but he said something to the effect of "if another guy calls me a "wussy" or something, then I try to brush off the insult and not let it bother me." Here's my take on this: the origins of the word "wussy" are derived from "woman" and "pussy." By someone calling this guy a wussy, essentially what they are doing is equating him with being female in some sense with the intention of indicating he is "less than" male. Since, even internally, this guy who was called this still sees it as an insult, he is silently agreeing that being called a woman is a terrible thing. Patriarchy. Granted, its not always safe to say something but his internal dialogue showed that he continues to buy into patriarchial notions of masculinity.
t was funny during the class yesterday. Early in yesterday's session, I noticed that the men in the class tended to just speak up when they had something to say, while the women patiently held their hands up for a chance to talk. This was somewhat pervasive during the class and it seemed that most of the men (and some of the women) in the class were defensive about bell hooks' analysis of our pervasive patriarchial society, attributing her assessment and their disagreement with it to generational differences. It was irritating. Its like when white people say "I just don't think our society is that racist anymore, not like in the 50's. I mean, me and my friends aren't racist." ok, fair enough. yes, i choose to surround myself with people that either aren't going to say fucked up things or will be willing to talk about them if they do happen. but my chosen social scene is not very indicative of general society nor are my friends and I represented in the institutionalized governing bodies that perpetuate injustices. to deny that they are still prevalent in our society is to shrug off any responsibility and therefore, not have to think about 1. how we all contribute to existing systems and 2. not have to consider what to do about it. However, this choice to be ignorant is quite a privilege in and of itself.
also thought it was interesting when one male in the class insisted that he wasn't sexist and therefore bell hooks' examples of how men (and women) participate in perpetuating patriarchial structures in relationships, didn't apply to him. I can't remember exactly what the context of his argument was when he said this, but he said something to the effect of "if another guy calls me a "wussy" or something, then I try to brush off the insult and not let it bother me." Here's my take on this: the origins of the word "wussy" are derived from "woman" and "pussy." By someone calling this guy a wussy, essentially what they are doing is equating him with being female in some sense with the intention of indicating he is "less than" male. Since, even internally, this guy who was called this still sees it as an insult, he is silently agreeing that being called a woman is a terrible thing. Patriarchy. Granted, its not always safe to say something but his internal dialogue showed that he continues to buy into patriarchial notions of masculinity.
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