on masculinity

So, in my bell hooks class we're starting "The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" which I am really excited about because I haven't read it yet. At the end of class last night, my instructor informed the class that next week, we're going to start the class with the men in the room sitting on a "fishbowl style" panel and talking with each other about the book. This should be interesting......
t was funny during the class yesterday. Early in yesterday's session, I noticed that the men in the class tended to just speak up when they had something to say, while the women patiently held their hands up for a chance to talk. This was somewhat pervasive during the class and it seemed that most of the men (and some of the women) in the class were defensive about bell hooks' analysis of our pervasive patriarchial society, attributing her assessment and their disagreement with it to generational differences. It was irritating. Its like when white people say "I just don't think our society is that racist anymore, not like in the 50's. I mean, me and my friends aren't racist." ok, fair enough. yes, i choose to surround myself with people that either aren't going to say fucked up things or will be willing to talk about them if they do happen. but my chosen social scene is not very indicative of general society nor are my friends and I represented in the institutionalized governing bodies that perpetuate injustices. to deny that they are still prevalent in our society is to shrug off any responsibility and therefore, not have to think about 1. how we all contribute to existing systems and 2. not have to consider what to do about it. However, this choice to be ignorant is quite a privilege in and of itself.
also thought it was interesting when one male in the class insisted that he wasn't sexist and therefore bell hooks' examples of how men (and women) participate in perpetuating patriarchial structures in relationships, didn't apply to him. I can't remember exactly what the context of his argument was when he said this, but he said something to the effect of "if another guy calls me a "wussy" or something, then I try to brush off the insult and not let it bother me." Here's my take on this: the origins of the word "wussy" are derived from "woman" and "pussy." By someone calling this guy a wussy, essentially what they are doing is equating him with being female in some sense with the intention of indicating he is "less than" male. Since, even internally, this guy who was called this still sees it as an insult, he is silently agreeing that being called a woman is a terrible thing. Patriarchy. Granted, its not always safe to say something but his internal dialogue showed that he continues to buy into patriarchial notions of masculinity.