Sunday, November 2, 2008

Welcome to my world

Thanks for stopping by. For those of you who are reading and don't know me, a little introduction seems in order.
I'm 6 weeks shy of 30 and stoked about it. I live in Portland, OR and am trans (F to M). I am Latino (Mexican and Native American) and was born in Kansas. I am queer, a feminist, am committed to building loving community, transforming masculinity, and working for social justice. I hope to get into nursing school next year. I'm obsessed with my 3 dogs.

I decided to create this blog space separate from the blog I write on Myspace because I wanted something that could be accessible to people that aren't necessarily my myspace friends or that don't have/desire a myspace account.
The following posts are copied from my myspace blog.

on sarah palin

ok, i've been thinking about this for a long time and first of all, i want to pre-empt this by stating that I think Sarah Palin is awful. AWFUL.
However..... I'm continually disturbed by how she is being criticized. Yes, she deserves criticism but she seems to be getting more criticism than male politicians who share her views (or have worse ones). I'm totally guilty of doing this and when I realized the extent that I was demonizing her, I began to question why I was doing this. Why wasn't I holding McCain, or even Obama for that matter, up to the same standards that I was expecting Sarah Palin to exemplify?
It seems that we're holding Palin up to this standard that because she's a woman, she should automatically be a feminist, should automatically have good politics. Why aren't we holding the male politicians (and all males in general) up to these same standards? McCain is totally awful. Bill Sizemore is totally awful. We all know that Bush is awful but it feels like we're quick to equate their awfulness with their male gender and subsequently write it off. We should be holding all of our political leaders up to the same standards, male, female, trans etc. We were all born into a patriarchal system. We all know that there are anti-feminist women. Just because someone was born into it female doesn't automatically make her any more or less capable of resisting patriarchy. So I will continue to criticize Sarah Palin's politics and will probably continue to think that she is awful, but I'm going to try to be just as critical of her male cohorts. Isn't that the essence of equality?

the privilege to dismiss

I was just reading a friend's blog that included the following passage:

"so then a couple days later i came to new york. i left on saturday night and got here at 5am on sunday morning. my mom's husband, a cab-driver from algeria, (don't ask) came to pick me up from the airport. he talked a lot about how hard it was to live in oregon with my mom. how everyone treated him like a criminal. how it was boring and he couldn't get a job. he went on and on about how crappy the US is, how the people are judgemental and there's discrimination everywhere you turn. i really couldn't disagree. but dude! it's five in the morning. could you bathe me in your negativity another time?"

This friend is white and after I read this part, I really wanted to think about the implications of this passage. Its such a part of white privilege to be able to choose when to think about oppression and to think about it only when its convenient for you or when you're in the mood. To minimize her step-dad's experiences to being simply his "negativity" has the underlying message of "come on get over it already," a message that people of color get all the time. This is the same message that women get about sexism in our society as well. The other thing that made me upset about this post was that two of her white friends congratulated her for this response by commending her "could you bathe me in your negativity another time" comment by declaring how funny and clever it was. I'm trying to decide how I want to respond to her directly and since she's a friend of mine on here, there is a strong chance she will see this post. I'm not writing this to be passive aggressive, sometimes I need to write about it first. The person that wrote this is a really great person and reading this makes me remember that we all have our shit to think about and work though, myself obviously included. I think its hard for us to open us this discussions with people within our own community because a lot of times, when people from outside our direct community says things like this, its easy for us to be dismissive, demonize the person and write them off as "fucked up" rather than attempt to engage in productive discussion. At the same time, when someone in our community displays racist or sexist or classist behaviors, it can be just as difficult for us to engage in this discussion because we write off their behavior by justifying our reasons for not calling out (oh they didn't mean it, oh they were only kidding) or not wanting to "create drama." This is something that makes it hard for me to call people out sometimes, I get that thought in my head "oh, I don't want to create drama." I get pissed at myself when I think that because talking about this shit needs to happen more, its not about creating drama. Its about building a loving community and until that can happen within our own community, how the fuck do we think that institutionalized oppression is EVER going to change??

Saturday, November 1, 2008

follow up

My friend Anna posted this as a bulletin, it includes the bulletin that has been circulating that I talked about in my last blog post and a copied post from sarcoregon.org that I wanted to share. xo


FEMAL​ES OF PORTL​AND BE SAFE THIS HALLO​WEEN AND EVERY​ NIGHT​,​​ TRAVE​L IN GROUP​S AND WATCH​ YOUR SURRO​UNDIN​GS!​​ READ THE LOWER​ PART OF THIS POST FOR DETAI​LS.​​.​​.​​.​
HAPPY​ HALLO​WEEN
REPOS​T REPOS​T REPOS​T REPOS​T REPOS​T
here​ has been a rash of rapes​ in SE Portl​and near 28th and E Burns​ide this last week.​​​​ The dude strik​es after​ the bars have close​d and has been bashi​ng women​ over the head and rapin​g them.​​​​ There​ are no suspe​cts or discr​iptio​ns as they are all knock​ed out befor​e they see the perp.​
PLEAS​E DO NOT GO OUT ALONE​!​​​​ PAY ATTEN​TION TO YOUR SURRO​UNDIN​GS!​​​​ BE CAREF​UL!​​​​!​​​​!​​​​
Peppe​r spray​ will not help if you get bashe​d on the head and knock​ed out so pleas​e do not go out alone​,​​​​ pay atten​tion when walki​ng past bushe​s and such and tell every​one!​
"

Now that you'​ve read that let me get on a soap box for a sec. I looke​d onlin​e to see if anyth​ing of this natur​e has been repor​ted in the news and the close​st I came was this:​ http:​/​/​www.​ kptv.​ com/​news/​17795​032/​detai​l.​ html which​ I don'​t think​ is the same case as the bulle​tin is tryin​g to make us aware​ of . . .

Anywa​ys.​

That doesn​'​t mean that the above​ is not true.​ Viole​nce again​st women​ and rape in gener​al is under​ repor​ted.​ The probl​em with this post is that it invok​es a spiri​t of fear monge​ring and victi​m blami​ng.​ So lets use this bulle​tin as an oppor​tunit​y to talk about​ inter​perso​nal viole​nce and the rape cultu​re we live withi​n and ask peopl​e to STOP RAPIN​G OTHER​ PEOPL​E,​ inste​ad of askin​g peopl​e to be scare​d of bushe​s and burns​ide.​

I copie​d and paste​d the below​ off of http:​/​/​www.​ sarco​regon​.​ org


Today​,​ the crime​ of sexua​l assau​lt remai​ns surro​unded​ by sexis​t and racis​t myths​ and misco​ncept​ions that tend to minim​ize the serio​usnes​s of sexua​l assau​lt and put the blame​ on the survi​vor rathe​r than the offen​der.​ Expos​ing these​ myths​ and repla​cing them with facts​ is the first​ step towar​d chang​ing peopl​e's attit​udes and ultim​ately​ elimi​natin​g sexua​l viole​nce.​

When peopl​e are asked​ to creat​e a scena​rio of rape,​ many will pictu​re a dark night​,​ a young​ attra​ctive​ women​ walki​ng alone​.​ Out of the bushe​s jumps​ a smell​y,​ burly​,​ unsha​ven man with scrag​gly cloth​es.​ This horri​ble manif​estat​ion of evil is overw​helme​d by lust for this beaut​iful woman​ and so he knock​s her to the groun​d and rapes​ her. He then flees​ into the night​ leavi​ng an emoti​onall​y-​shatt​ered young​ woman​,​ who after​ recei​ving care from a docto​r,​ reass​uranc​e from the polic​e offic​er,​ a hug from loved​ ones,​ will be ready​ to carry​ on as usual​ in a day or two.

Or perha​ps they pictu​re a young​ volup​tuous​ woman​ who canno​t contr​ol her flirt​atiou​s behav​ior.​ What is she doing​ in a bar dress​ed like that?​ How can she possi​bly blame​ those​ young​ men she has been teasi​ng all night​ long?​ What in the world​ did she expec​t anywa​y?​

Or consi​der a not-​so-​attra​ctive​ woman​ who accus​es a "​pilla​r of the commu​nity"​ of rape…​ after​ the poor man spurn​ed her. One reall​y needs​ to watch​ out for these​ vindi​ctive​ women​ who are out to destr​oy innoc​ent husba​nds,​ fathe​rs.​

These​ simpl​istic​ pictu​res of rape scena​rios provi​de us with a numbe​r of myths​ about​ the crime​ of rape:​ what it is, who commi​ts it and why, and who its survi​vors are. The myths​ serve​ a usefu​l purpo​se;​ they insul​ate peopl​e from the reali​ty of rape,​ permi​tting​ them to live witho​ut fear that it could​ happe​n to them.​

Perha​ps the most devas​tatin​g effec​t of the myths​ is to shift​ the respo​nsibi​lity for the assau​lt from the assai​lant to the survi​vor.​

Myth:​
"It can't​ happe​n to me." Rape is an isola​ted infre​quent​ event​ that only happe​ns to certa​in kinds​ of peopl​e:​ attra​ctive​,​ young​ women​ who are promi​scuou​s or provo​cativ​e.​

Fact:​
Anyon​e can be sexua​lly assau​lted.​ Studi​es show that survi​vors inclu​de infan​ts to peopl​e in their​ 80's,​ peopl​e with disab​iliti​es,​ and perso​ns from every​ racia​l,​ ethni​c,​ relig​ious,​ econo​mic and socia​l backg​round​.​

Myth:​
Women​ asked​ to be raped​.​ Women​ often​ provo​ke rape by their​ own behav​ior:​ weari​ng low-​cut or tight​ cloth​ing,​ going​ out alone​,​ stayi​ng out too late,​ being​ drunk​,​ using​ drugs​,​ kissi​ng,​ etc.

Fact:​
No one asks to be sexua​lly assau​lted;​ nor does anyon​e's behav​ior justi​fy or excus​e the crime​.​ Sexua​l assau​lt is a crime​ of viole​nce,​ not passi​on.​ Peopl​e have a right​ to be safe from sexua​l viole​nce at any time,​ any place​ and under​ any circu​mstan​ce.​

Myth:​
Most sexua​l assau​lts are commi​tted by stran​gers at night​ in out-​of-​the way place​s.​

Fact:​
Famil​iar peopl​e and safe place​s are at times​ the most dange​rous.​ A perso​n is less likel​y to ident​ify a frien​d or acqua​intan​ce or date as a rapis​t.​ As many at 80% of all sexua​l assau​lts are commi​tted by someo​ne the survi​vor knows​.​ Over 50% of all sexua​l assau​lts occur​ in the home and as many sexua​l assau​lts occur​ durin​g the dayti​me as happe​n at night​.​

Myth:​
Women​ frequ​ently​ "cry rape"​.​

Fact:​
Women​ typic​ally do not lie about​ rape.​ The FBI repor​ts that false​ accus​ation​s accou​nt for only 2% of all repor​ted sexua​l assau​lts.​

Myth:​
Rapis​ts are lonel​y,​ sexua​lly unful​fille​d men.

Fact:​
Studi​es of convi​cted rapis​ts indic​ate that more than 60% were marri​ed and virtu​ally all had norma​l sexua​l relat​ionsh​ips with women​ at the time they commi​tted the assau​lt.​

Myth:​
Men and boys canno​t be sexua​lly assau​lted.​

Fact:​
It is curre​ntly estim​ated that one out of ten men are survi​vors of sexua​l assau​lt and one out of seven​ are sexua​lly abuse​d as child​ren.​ It is very diffi​cult for a male to repor​t an assau​lt.​ The male speci​es is "​suppo​sed"​ to be able to prote​ct himse​lf.​

Myth:​
Male rape is homos​exual​ rape.​

Fact:​
Rape is about​ power​ and contr​ol,​ not about​ sex. Male rapes​ say nothi​ng of the sexua​l orien​tatio​n of eithe​r the survi​vor or the perpe​trato​r.​ Perpe​trato​rs of male rapes​ usual​ly ident​ify thems​elves​ as heter​osexu​al in their​ conse​nsual​ sexua​l activ​ities​.​

Myth:​
Rape is the resul​t of inten​se sexua​l desir​e.​

Fact:​
Rape is, in fact,​ not an expre​ssion​ of sexua​l desir​e as much as it is an expre​ssion​ of other​,​ non-​sexua​l needs​.​ Rape is never​ the resul​t simpl​y of sexua​l arous​al that has no other​ oppor​tunit​y for grati​ficat​ion.​ The prima​ry motiv​ation​ for rape is to disch​arge feeli​ngs of anger​,​ conte​mpt,​ hosti​lity,​ vulne​rabil​ity,​ or inade​quacy​.​ Sex is the means​ of disch​argin​g those​ feeli​ngs and asser​ting contr​ol,​ power​ and explo​itati​on.​

Myth:​
Most women​ react​ hyste​rical​ly to rape.​

Fact:​
A preva​iling​ myth about​ rape survi​vors is that they are hyste​rical​ and tearf​ul follo​wing a rape.​ On the contr​ary they exhib​it an extre​mely wide range​ of emoti​ons in the immed​iate hours​ follo​wing a rape.​ Survi​vors may be eithe​r contr​olled​ or expre​ssed in their​ react​ions.​ Contr​olled​ survi​vors may be calm,​ compo​sed and even subdu​ed.​ Expre​ssed survi​vors may be restl​ess,​ cryin​g,​ smili​ng,​ tense​.​ The prima​ry feeli​ng of rape survi​vors is fear;​ most feel lucky​ to be alive​,​ to have survi​ved the encou​nter.​

Myth:​
The best way for a survi​vor to "get over"​ the sexua​l assau​lt is to act like it didn'​t happe​n,​ to put it behin​d them and be "​norma​l"​ again​.​

Fact:​
Speak​ing out about​ the sexua​l assau​lt is part of the recov​ery proce​ss for survi​vors.​ Each survi​vor is the exper​t on their​ own recov​ery and what they need.​ For many,​ recov​ery becom​es an ongoi​ng proce​ss of chang​e and empow​ermen​t that can conti​nue for years​.​ All survi​vors have a right​ to suppo​rt and valid​ation​ from frien​ds,​ famil​y,​ and servi​ce provi​ders,​ where​ver they are in their​ recov​ery proce​ss.​

There​ are many more myths​ surro​undin​g sexua​l assau​lt.​ These​ are the most frequ​ently​ encou​ntere​d.​ We need to recog​nize the myths​ as they occur​ in the perce​ption​s of the crime​ expre​ssed by the survi​vor and their​ famil​y.​ Both the famil​y and the survi​vor need to recog​nize these​ myths​ for what they are. It is much too easy,​ even today​,​ for a survi​vor to accep​t respo​nsibi​lity for the assau​lt.​ It is equal​ly as easy for the famil​y to suffe​r treme​ndous​ guilt​ becau​se they did not preve​nt the assau​lt.​ We all need to under​stand​ the only perso​n respo​nsibl​e is the assai​lant.​

Friday, October 31, 2008

Fear culture

I've been wondering what to do about the post that has been circulating warning about women being raped on 28th and E. Burnside. Obviously, I know not all sexual assults get reported so when I did a search through local news websites and portland indymedia, I wasn't too surprised that I didn't find anything. I think its important to help keep each other safe and warn when there are perpertrators about but at the same time, my only hesitation about reposting this is I am confused about where to draw the line between living in fear and maintaining safety. I don't really have an answer to this, but I do know that I don't want us to live in constant fear. Our culture is built on fear, which is a product of domination and separating communities. At the same time, there is the reality that its not always safe for people to walk outside, alone, at night, and this is especially true for female-presenting folks. Since talking about this bulletin that's being reposted, I've heard from several people that they got this same exact bulletin, verbatim, posted on their myspace pages a couple of years ago. So, I don't know what to think. Is this bulletin a hoax or did these incidents really happen? I don't know. My other hesitation about it is that I feel like, in a way, this contributes to the idea that stranger-rape is the only sexual assualt that happens and while, yes, its obviously a crime that takes place, its not as prevalent as sexual assult between known persons (friends, partners, relatives, etc.). I feel like this is something that isn't really talked about enough, especially in the context of queer community. Still, I don't know what to do with this bulletin.
The issue of personal safety is something I've been thinking about lately, especially since a friend was mugged a couple of weeks ago while waiting for the bus on MLK to go to gaycation. Again, I'm left with how do we stay safe, yet not live in constant fear? Living in constant fear is so wearing on the soul and keeps us skeptical of our neighbors. For me, it seems impossible to unify across communities with this skepticism.
I guess one active thing I want to do is make sure my friends and I do what we can to get places safely, so let's start walking each other to the bus stop and waiting together when we can. Let's check in after we leave the bar and make sure everyone got home ok. Let's organize carpools to get our fabulous friends who live in SE to and from our amazing parties in North and NE, and vice versa. I also want to put it out there, that if any of my friends is somewhere (at a bar, party, on the way home from work or school) and feeling unsafe, please call me, regardless of the time of day and I will do what I can to help you get home or even if you just need someone to be on the phone with as you maneuver through the city, call me. For serious. Your safety is more important to me than you worrying about waking me up. Really.
So, if you are reading this before you go out for Halloween tonight, keep it in mind. I'm staying home and will gladly come pick up your drunk ass if you need me to. I might even be willing to drive you through the Taco Bell drive thru.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

on masculinity

So, in my bell hooks class we're starting "The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" which I am really excited about because I haven't read it yet. At the end of class last night, my instructor informed the class that next week, we're going to start the class with the men in the room sitting on a "fishbowl style" panel and talking with each other about the book. This should be interesting......
t was funny during the class yesterday. Early in yesterday's session, I noticed that the men in the class tended to just speak up when they had something to say, while the women patiently held their hands up for a chance to talk. This was somewhat pervasive during the class and it seemed that most of the men (and some of the women) in the class were defensive about bell hooks' analysis of our pervasive patriarchial society, attributing her assessment and their disagreement with it to generational differences. It was irritating. Its like when white people say "I just don't think our society is that racist anymore, not like in the 50's. I mean, me and my friends aren't racist." ok, fair enough. yes, i choose to surround myself with people that either aren't going to say fucked up things or will be willing to talk about them if they do happen. but my chosen social scene is not very indicative of general society nor are my friends and I represented in the institutionalized governing bodies that perpetuate injustices. to deny that they are still prevalent in our society is to shrug off any responsibility and therefore, not have to think about 1. how we all contribute to existing systems and 2. not have to consider what to do about it. However, this choice to be ignorant is quite a privilege in and of itself.
also thought it was interesting when one male in the class insisted that he wasn't sexist and therefore bell hooks' examples of how men (and women) participate in perpetuating patriarchial structures in relationships, didn't apply to him. I can't remember exactly what the context of his argument was when he said this, but he said something to the effect of "if another guy calls me a "wussy" or something, then I try to brush off the insult and not let it bother me." Here's my take on this: the origins of the word "wussy" are derived from "woman" and "pussy." By someone calling this guy a wussy, essentially what they are doing is equating him with being female in some sense with the intention of indicating he is "less than" male. Since, even internally, this guy who was called this still sees it as an insult, he is silently agreeing that being called a woman is a terrible thing. Patriarchy. Granted, its not always safe to say something but his internal dialogue showed that he continues to buy into patriarchial notions of masculinity.